A Guide to Surviving College

Congratulations! You have been accepted into college! NOW WHAT?

Now you will experience everything you’ve ever dreamed of, right? Almost! Almost. While college definitely has a lot of “fun” going for it, there are an awful lot of pitfalls, differences, and out-and-out lies that you’re going to have to figure out as you go.

UNLESS.

You read this.

First, let’s cover your dorm room. It will not look like this:

It will look like this:

Brace yourself. Don’t go out and buy a lot of stuff; there won’t be any room for it. Equip yourself as if you’re going to prison because that’s about the amount of space you’ll have. If you think you’ll have room for a craft corner or a bookshelf made out of anything but hastily wrought IKEA furniture from failed and abandoned efforts to have “real” furniture and cinderblocks, you’re sadly mistaken.

Eventually, you’ll need to crack a book.

Don’t forget to buy your text books.

Buy them online. Forget the campus bookstore. Just FORGET IT.

Texts online are cheaper, way cheaper, easier to get, and not a waste when you resell (or keep!) them. Just get the book list as soon as you can, either by e-mailing your professor or by hacking the internet until you find a syllabus for the class and stealing it covertly for the sole sake of saving a few cents.

Once you have your books, you will <strikeout>want to study</strikeout> need to study.

You will also want to make sure you aren’t accidentally trying to live the lies you were told about college. For example, the brochure image? This one?

Yeah. About that. You’re going to school HERE:

Or, if you’re in the North East?

And remember when you thought you could get up and wear pajamas to class?

You can’t.

And finally, one last sage piece of wisdom…

Walk very, very carefully when you get your diploma.