This guest blog was written by Denise Du Vernay
Denise is the co-author of The Simpsons in the Classroom: Embiggening the Learning Experience with the Wisdom of Springfield. She has been teaching various college literature and communication courses for over 10 years. She is on Twitter @Simpsonology.
We all know that proofreading is important for business, but I advocate for careful writing and proofreading in all areas of communication, not just in business. Spelling, word usage, and punctuation errors can make the writer look sloppy, careless, and lazy, but in addition to the errors reflecting poorly on the writer, errors can also cause misunderstandings.
Understanding and Using English Grammar
Example One: I was communicating with someone (let’s just call him “Jeff”) recently over a social networking site. We were discussing movies. For weeks, I had believed that Jeff was gay because in the “about me” section of his profile, he talked about spending time with his fiancé. Since Jeff lives in a place where same-sex marriage is legal and the activities he described were outdoorsy and stereotypical “guy” things, I thought he was engaged to a man. And why did I think that? Well, because he told me so with the use of the word “fiancé,” the word for a betrothed who is male. (“Fiancée” is the word for a betrothed who is female). One spelling error, just one missing little letter e, made me misunderstand a pretty important personal detail. He was irritated when I referred to his partner as “he,” and I had to politely explain why I thought he was gay.
Modern English Grammar
Example Two: A couple weeks ago, I was emailing with a friend from high school. He was telling me about his oldest daughter. I knew he had three kids but their names are all gender neutral, so I was relieved that he gave me the clue of having an “oldest” daughter, which let me know that they were all girls. Later, when I referred to the middle child, “Taylor,” as a girl, he corrected me, saying that Taylor is a boy. He was quite snarky about it, so I got a little lippy back. I told him his usage error was the reason I was mistaken because the word “oldest” is the superlative form for three or more. Since he has two daughters, he can only have a younger and an older. Now he refers to his “oldest child” or his “younger daughter.” He no longer makes that mistake. (Luckily, he knows I teach English and isn’t bugged by me correcting him).
As an English teacher and lover of language, I am bothered when I hear excuses for bad grammar, for laziness, for lack of respect for English. One of my siblings, as a matter of fact, thinks that as long as the message is sent, it don’t matter if the words ya use ain’t correct.
I disagree.
First of all, poor grammar and usage errors lead to confusion and mistakes, like the examples above. What if I had never used the pronoun “he” with Jeff, thus never had the chance to be corrected, and I sent a wedding gift to Jeff and his fiancée, a gift intended for two men? Or if he and his partner had broken up, I’d introduced him to a single gay man I know? What if I’d sent a Hello Kitty birthday card to Taylor? There would have been embarrassment all around.
Here’s a fun example from the news: Last fall, two people in Spokane County, Washington had their $30 parking tickets overturned for parking in a lot that required a permit. They successfully argued that they were simply following the message on a sign: “No Parking Permit Required.” There was no comma, semicolon, period or even dash between “No Parking” and “Permit Required.” In addition, according to an article in the Spokesman-Review, the words were the same size and font, not separated by any space. Thus, the sign not only implies, but actually says, that one doesn’t need a permit to park there. This mistake cost the city the price of the parking ticket, the costs of administrators’ time, and the price of correcting offending signs.
Secondly, we are a community of people with diverse tastes, backgrounds, and hairstyles, but we are a community bonded by language. Communities all have rules for the safety of their members. We are all expected to follow our community rules while shopping, driving, or crossing the street. What happens when those rules are disobeyed? The breaker of the rule may be ticketed, flipped the bird, and in extreme cases, killed. (I know that sounds dramatic, but road rage violence happens. Plus, I was once almost run over by an SUV in a crosswalk. When I saw that the vehicle wasn’t stopping for me, I leapt backwards onto the curb, falling ungracefully on my bum, and the driver was immediately pulled over by a police officer and hopefully ticketed handsomely for not giving me, the pedestrian, the right of way which is law in our great land). Like society, rules exist in English to prevent chaos in communication. Think of the community as the keepers of the language: the members of the community should respect it, for our sake and for its own sake. This doesn’t mean I disapprove of slang or colloquialisms—in fact, the more colorful, the better—but it hurts my ears when I hear blatant disrespect of English, such as someone saying “I seen that movie!” or “Can you borrow me a dollar?” or even “I need to lay down.” For everything that English has done for us, the least we can do in return is learn some verb conjugations and the difference between “lend” and “borrow.”
English Grammar for Dummies
Thirdly, lazy or disrespectful speech is unfair to children. English is tricky enough with all its odd spellings and irregular verbs; the least we can do for the children around us is be good examples so they have a better chance of picking it up right the first time. When I was a teenager, a teacher pointed out to me that I was confused about “lie” and “lay,” and while I was a bit embarrassed at that moment, it was beyond worth it. Today I am terribly grateful to her, and have even told her recently, because it saved me much continued embarrassment.
The fourth argument (out of the dozens floating around in my brain) to care about grammar and word usage is because people who don’t care sound like idiots. And people who sound like idiots aren’t taken seriously and often aren’t offered jobs. I’ve stopped dating people in the past because I couldn’t handle their bad grammar. And yes, I agree that it may have been superficial of me, and I may have missed out on the best relationship/lay/friendship/home-baked bread of my life, but I just could not imagine spending any amount of time with a man who was so unobservant that he didn’t notice that everyone else in his life said “I would have gone to the concert, but I had to work,” but he continued instead to say “I would have went…”
Below is a list I’ve compiled of some commonly misused words. I recommend you treat it as a quiz—jot down the definitions (or use each word in a sentence) and then look up each word to make sure you’ve been using them correctly. There is an advanced section of words that sound the same but are spelled differently (under the heading “Spelling Only”). Don’t skip any—chances are, if you are misusing a word (assuming that you and I don’t know each other personally) no one has told you. (I’m a good friend– I’m also not afraid to tell you this: You have a piece of cilantro between your teeth.) And by the way, “alot” is not a word.
Often confused:
insure / ensure
less / fewer
imply / infer
tenant / tenet
moot / mute
sex / gender
Spelling only:
fiancée / fiancé
they’re / there / their
heroin / heroine
its/it’s
affect / effect
Bonus tip: “hangout” is a noun; “hang out” is a verb.
Okay, so you’ve given yourself the quiz. How did you do? My bet is that you’ve been using “less” for any noun; am I right? Don’t feel bad; I hear newscasters do it all time. And have you been using the word “gender” when you mean “sex”? You’re not alone. But now you know: babies are a “sex,” not a “gender.”
What are some of your grammar pet peeves or questions? Shoot me an email at du@simpsonology.com and maybe I’ll write about your issue in a future entry.
